My Neighbour Has Six Appeal

There is a man who lives in my building who has ECD. Elevator Compulsive Disorder. He makes the same joke every time I get into a lift with him.

It has happened about a dozen times now. Each time it’s the same. We get in, I press my button for the fifth floor, and then he begins his routine.

I can honestly say that I don’t have a single bad habit. Not one. I’d ask my neighbours but they’ve all stopped talking to me.

“Where shall I go today?” he will ask. After moving his finger up and down the buttons he always opts for the sixth floor. Every single time. “Why don’t I try the mysterious number six?” he says.

Now, I know he is just being friendly. I know he is just making idle conversation for the twenty or so seconds we are together. And I know it is irrational of me to want to seriously hurt him.

But I do.

I feel like screaming at him. Or, at the very least, jabbing the ‘six’ button and bringing the awkward silence in a few seconds early.

Of course, I am not a complete sociopath so I don’t do either of these things. I just smile and laugh like it is the funniest thing I have heard all day.

After I get out we both go our separate ways. Him thinking he has brightened somebody’s day, me hating myself for not hiding in the stairwell until after he had gone.

It has become a habit now.

And, like it or not, living in an apartment block you just have to get used to other people’s strange habits.

Like the man who enjoys catching up with his DIY and starts drilling at about 10pm. Or there’s the family that likes to cook foul-smelling breakfasts every morning. Who eats garlic cabbage at that time of day?

I’m lucky. I can honestly say that I don’t have a single bad habit. Not one.

I’ve tried to think of one but nothing springs to mind.
I’d ask my neighbours if they could think of anything but they’ve all stopped talking to me since I started laughing like a maniac every time I get in the lift.

What are your pet peeves? See the story on page 33 and get in touch and let us know what drives you mad.

Will milner
wmilner@alnisrmedia.com
www.xpress4me.com/letters