Inadvertent slips

I love the classified sections of newspapers and, sure enough, read every itsy bitsy, teeny weeny bit that appears there.

It’s so much fun and, because of the printer’s devil, they invariably make for an interesting, albeit unintentionally, entertaining read.

Sample this advertisement I came across the other day: "Call PC doctor for any problems with your computer hardware, software. Free Prick Up and Delivery," it said, the last five words highlighted in bold type face to catch your eyeballs.

"Cook, part time female, required for a family in Bur Dubai" screamed another advertisement on the same page. I am sure that’s not what the Bur Dubai family wants. With as much certainty, I can say the same thing about this family in the Springs who, I know, are not looking for a "Good, well-mannered crook".

Similarly, I doubt if there’s a "Chin ease restaurant" in Satwa that’s got openings for waitresses, or a music institute in Sharjah which is offering "excellent poaching in piano, guitar flute etc".

Even a little oversight could spell doom – as it may already have for a beauty clinic in Karama which promises "all kinds of skin treatments like waxing, facial and belching".

Other equally embarrassing mentions include Situation Vacant adverts for "Killed Workers", "Tailors and master cutters of Arabic ladies" and my all time favourite: "Urgently required Experienced ware house assistants with full knowledge of whore house procedures".

But I reckon the one that takes the cake and cherry is the one placed by a shooting club that’s offering "a wide range of possibilities for the whole family".

Fliers posted on lampposts and telephone booths for maximum visibility are no less discomforting.

The other day I saw one for a "Bad Space available in Abu Shagara". It was stuck up on the sidewalls of a pedestrian bridge which has become a kind of billboard, and has gems like: "Car left from Dubai to Sharjah", "Post Control" and even a "Baby Shitter"!