Better red than dead

Psychologists have consistently said that anger is a normal human emotion and a certain amount of it is absolutely necessary for our survival.

As a woman who is consistently perceived as angry by my detractors, I believe in the right to express that anger " appropriately" when I am faced with a cynically hostile attitude from people who, like me, are angry too, but internalise it all and become "passive-aggressive".

Where is all this going you may ask? Well, researchers at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor have found that married couples that actually express anger and resolve their conflicts live much longer that those who bottle it all up and stew in resentment (see And they fought happily ever after).

In a couple where both suppressed their anger, earlier death is twice as likely to happen.

Fortunately this little bit of research cheers me up.

As a person who externalises anger and is under constant pressure from my well wishers to stay cool, I have been fighting my own external vs internal battle which has left me calm but permanently under the weather.

In my personal relationship I must confess there is no real anger to tackle because it’s hardly ever there. Irritations perhaps but real rip-roaring rage… Never!

My professional relationships however are a different kettle of fish. Those who know that conflict can be very healthy because it brings resolution and change express their anger happily and forget about it in a few moments.

Those that do not express their anger however are the dangerous ones.

One never knows where you stand with them because they will get back at you indirectly rather than confront you head on. And of course there’s the hostility and cynicism to deal with.

The point here is that there is not much difference between people who are openly angry and those who are passive-aggressive.

Each alienates other people and has unsuccessful relationships.

And as I continue struggling with managing my anger "appropriately" or "inappropriately" I’m sure I too will continue to alienate a lot of people but on the plus side I will live longer.

Nirmala Janssen
Editor@alnisrmedia.com
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