Annoying people

Last week, while visiting the eastern part of the US on a company-sponsored study tour, I bought a self-help book called How To Deal With Annoying People. The perfect tome, I thought, to read on the 14-hour flight back to Dubai.

Simultaneously though, as if by coincidence, a certain Ms Jones sent me an e-mail accusing me of being a self-satisfied, self-obsessed woman who blindly believed that I was right all the time.

I don’t know Jones and I don’t believe she knows me except perhaps through this 360-word personal blog that I write every week. My blogging persona has obviously, seriously annoyed her.

Was I annoyed with Ms. Jones?

No. The reason being that I had already learnt from that book I’d read on the plane that while I find half the world annoying it could very well be I am annoying to the other half.

The authors Bob Philips and Kimberly Alyn have quite categorically stated, "All people are annoying" and the major cause of conflict lies in social style differences between people and the behaviour that represents these styles. It also arises because we do not understand the other person’s perspective, vision and decisions.

The four social styles of annoying people are:

1. Analyticals who are gifted industrious perfectionists, but are also indecisive, self-centred and vengeful.

2. Drivers are born leaders and visionaries who are usually right about things, but are also opinionated, prejudiced and unforgiving.

3. Amiables are practical, dependable and diplomatic but are also indolent, stubborn and stingy.

4. Expressives are charismatic, compassionate and generous but also obnoxious, manipulative and egotistical.

Each style has its strengths and weaknesses, but this also means that each can annoy the other albeit to different degrees.

To find out which style you fall under and how to deal with the others you will have to buy and read the book and do the tests. But if you find that annoying then go back to the four social styles and pick and choose the bits you think describe you and be happy. The third option is to get a spouse, friend or colleague to let you know which social style you belong to and be annoyed forever about their perceptions.

Nirmala Janssen
editor@alnisrmedia.com

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