The Price Of Love

Through hard work, Jasem, a 27-year-old Emirati entrepreneur, and his partners built a successful small business in Abu Dhabi, and went on to invest in other ventures.

Jasem had always intended to marry an Emirati woman.

A couple of years ago he got engaged, through an arrangement made by his mother.

Everything seemed to be going well for him, until a few weeks later when he began to tally up the cost of the requests made by the bride’s family.

He stopped counting when he realised that he had begun to approach the seven-figure mark.

After discussing it with his family, Jasem decided to call off the engagement.

“They asked for too much and I just couldn’t afford it, or I’d start my marriage buried in debt,” Jasem said.

Last October, a survey by the Institute for International Research found that the average cost of a wedding in the UAE is Dh300,000.

The independent survey conducted at the 2006 Dubai Bride Show revealed that 43 per cent of the respondents planning a wedding intended to spend more than Dh100,000.

Spending on jewellery was also high: nearly half the respondents expected to spend more than Dh30,000.

The survey only covered expenses of the actual wedding day. Nothing was asked about the expenses of the celebrations leading up to the wedding.

The engagement parties consist of the khotoubah, the announcement of the engagement, and the milcha, the day of exchanging vows.

Although the couple is legally, and religiously, married on the night of the milcha, the bride is not given away until the wedding party is held.

Customary gifts, such as jewellery, are not considered part of the dowry. The gifts are usually presented during the khotoubah party, for all the guests to see.

Then there is the henna night. Though not as extravagant as it once was, it takes place the night before the ladies’ reception.

In 1992, the government set up amarriage fund to limit overspending on weddings and celebrations, as well as to provide an incentive for Emirati men to marry Emirati women.

The fund provides Dh60,000 to Dh70,000 to young UAE nationals.

Moreover, in 1997, as an effort to further curb soaring wedding expenses, the UAE’s Cabinet approved a letter from the Justice and Islamic Affairs Minister outlining a draft law defining dowries, under Islamic Law, at Dh20,000, with divorce compensation at Dh30,000.

The law also ordered that wedding parties should not exceed one day.

Mireille Loughlin, a French designer who has been making wedding gowns in the UAE for the last 30 years, said: “Wedding gown rental is a growing trend these days. People have become more money conscious.

“More people want to have their weddings in Dubai. Arab weddings have become very extravagant from the village affairs they were 30 years ago.”

Jasem is nowhappilymarried to a Lebanese woman of Palestinian origin and is about to become a father. His mother also arranged this marriage.

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The Build-Up

• DOWRY: This can be as much as DH20,000 or as little as reading a verse from the Quran
• NISHAN: A gift, usually jewellery, given at the agreement of the engagement to seal the deal, so to speak. Average DH15,000
• GIFTS: Jewellery, silks and perfumes given to the bride at the khotoubah. Average DH50,000
• KHOTOUBAH PARTY: The engagement party, usually done at the bride’s home. Average DH10,000
• WEDDING GOWN: Though rentals are now available, brides still prefer to have them custom
  made. Average DH30,000
• MUSIC: These days most opt for a DJ, though some would go as far as hiring a celebrity to
  perform. Average DH5,000
• MILCHA: On this occasion, the bride and groom sign the marriage contract. This ceremony can be as expensive as the wedding reception. Average DH50,000

Til Debt Us Do Part

• INVITATIONS: Some can be really intricate. Average Dh10,000
• WEDDING HALL: Two halls need to be booked, one for the men’s dinner and one for the ladies’
  reception. Average cost for both is DH130,000
• STAGE AND DÉCOR: Most hotels will supply this with the hall for an small fee. Average DH50,000
• FLOWERS: This includes a centrepiece for each table. DH30,00
• PHOTOGRAPHER: This includes a cameraperson. Average DH30,00
• GIFTS TO THE GUESTS: It’s customary to give guests a small souvenir of the night, most give
  sweets, but jewellery is not unheard of. Average DH5,000